I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Shame is for Republicans.
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