ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
