He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
