we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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