I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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