Just fell off a train. Bad.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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