does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
