dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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