We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
