This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
