I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
