dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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