I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
