I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
