Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
