Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
