My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize