I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
