Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
