how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
