apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
