If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
