Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
