the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
