but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
