Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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