You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
