Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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