The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dignity is for republicans.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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