My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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