I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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