not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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