i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
