I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
