if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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