i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
