I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
