Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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