Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
