Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
