Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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