Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
