My friends, they love my intelligence
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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