I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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