i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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