Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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