Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
