you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
