I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
