she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
