I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
