My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
