my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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