I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
