dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize