I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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