Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
