Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
