I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize