I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize