i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
