The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
