He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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