That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize