he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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