He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
