i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
