Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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