He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
