I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
