happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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