It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
