And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
