i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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